Whatever Happened to Betty Davis as Baby Jane.... or can I relearn makeup 101?

I really like this picture because it focuses on a happier me rather than a nauseated me.  My daughter Jayme sent me these adorable footed PJs (to keep me warm -- I LOVE THEM!) and my sister-in-law, Carolyn and her husband Chuck gave me the beautiful hot pink roses (aren't they beautiful!) the day I took my third chemo -- oh how I hate to even say that horrible word.  Some wonderful day chemo will be obsolete and our children's children will say, can you remember when our great grandmothers had to take poison to kill cancer cells? How did they endure it?  Dwain reminds me that not even 100 years ago there was nothing.  Nothing at all.  People just died.  Cancer was simply a death sentence. 

I've got to say that the hours and days following chemo leave me wondering if I will actually live or if I even want to.  That may sound harsh, but it's just brutal what it does to your body and your mind.  My friend Cora (Cora's Hidden Riches) left me an encouraging e-mail message because she felt such sympathy for what I was going through.  Cora, I truly hope you don't mind that I share your message, it's so inspirational.  By the way, you should read her blog of blessings that she posts.  They will make your smile grow so big.  This is the e-mail I sent to her and then her reply follows:

I'll tell you what, Cora, sometimes I think the chemo is truly going to kill me.  I don't know how I'll feel about taking chemo again by the time I am to receive the next (4th) treatment.  Right now I'm just now climbing out of  the most vicious nausea I've faced since this whole thing started, and yes I have been taking anti-nausea pills.  The nurse at the clinic had to inject me with additional anti-nausea medication while I was there, and this was after I'd already had a full bag of it before the chemo drugs began.  I want to quit so badly.  I can't bear how the chemo drugs make me feel.  My husband just wears himself out trying to "fix" my nausea, and that frustrates me to no end.  He just can't figure out what to do, and neither can I.  Mostly, I just need to be left alone to sleep.  Chemo is utter madness!  As you can tell from my response here, I'm feeling pretty negative right now -- that's just not me.  Cross your fingers and hope for the best for me.  Thank you for your kind words of support, Cora.  I'm still enjoying your blessings that you share with us all.  -Megan-

I can truly relate!  I wanted sympathy and help, but I, too, wanted to be left alone to die! (Or so I thought!)  I remember one day trying to take a shower.

My legs were so weak that I couldn't stand long enough to rinse off, and I couldn't catch my breath.  My heart was pounding so hard (from the steroids, I guess) and I really thought that was it for me.

NOTHING was edible, but I was hungry feeling.  The indigestion was like fire in my gut.  My urine burned me raw.  My stool burned like fire.  The skin peeled off my heels and I couldn't walk on them.  I had the worst charlie horses because I wasn't drinking enough, and so the story went on and on!  I felt like a whining, miserable wretch.  I can't tell you how I dragged myself in there for #4 through #6.  I guess the question  that plagued me was, "What other option do I have?????"  Don't give up.  Ask for an extra week if you must, but dont' give up!  I will pray for you constantly, Megan!  But hang in there, won't you???

From someone who walked in your shoes, I just know you can do this!!!!!!

Without going into much more detail, that's pretty much how chemo number three felt.  The good news is, this is Wednesday -- 5 days after and I'm feeling better than I have after any other chemo treatment, 5 days post chemo.  In fact, I'm going to go ahead and work tomorrow.  That's another first for me.  I haven't been able to work the first week after chemo before now.  Your prayers are catching up with me, you guys.   If I could insert a smiley face here, I would. 

Dwain took the following pictures. Please enjoy. 

Dwain said I looked like Cleopatra with her lion.  That's pretty imaginative, I'd say, considering I wasn't feeling real swooft.  But thanks, Dwain.  I'll take that compliment. 

How to poach an egg.  That's me feeling good enough to make my own breakfast.

 I want to talk just a bit about some food I found comforting and easy to digest after chemo.  For some reason they are all white foods, but not totally starchy.  One good food is poached eggs. 

The egg cooks rather quickly -- not greasy at all.

Once the egg white sort of comes together with the yolk, you lift the whole thing out with a slotted spoon.

I like to put my poached egg on top of a bowl of grits (see? white food).  It's so easy on your tummy.

The one non-white food is the V8 Fusion that I drink any time I want.  It tastes so good.  Nothing chemical about it.  It's 100% fruit and vegetable juice that's just a perfect mix of sweet and tangy.  When you can't drink water, try this.  

Dwain liked this picture that he took because it captured my little area of recovery so perfectly.  We recently bought that little wooden TV tray that held everything (cell phone, I-Pad, magazines, food & water) so perfectly.  Thankfully  I didn't actually have to use the trash can for anything other than trash (no urping -- oh happy day!).  I never been so happy to finally put everything back in it's proper place once again.  No more recovery area... for the time being.  Yea!

Today I am going into town to have lunch with Dwain, run some errands and buy some makeup.  I haven't worn actual makeup in almost 20 years, but one look in the mirror yesterday told me it was time.  You've heard the phrase "green around the gills?" Yep.  That's me.  Or totally blanched out.  I'm either greenish-looking or have no color at all.  Either way, I'm one scary-looking lady.  Dwain thinks I may end up looking like Betty Davis when she played the part of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.  EEE Gads!

"Sister, sister, oh so fair, why is there blood all over your hair?"

- Film Tagline